In sickness and in severe fear of you judging me

And I are very agreeable, Good in conjunction, And still quite definitely in love, But we going young. Social anxiety is something both of us have struggled with over time in various forms; But I guesss you can say it's been more of a de facto limiting factor for him than for me. fast forward ten years: Lately i have been super career focused, While he's been more aimless in fact, He's currently jobless due to a move for my career that we both still agree was smart.

All this change and lack of direction has had my SO's anxiety out in a big way. He's feeling very anxious at exactly the time that I've got pressure on me to be the sole provider, Trying to be at the top of my game by professionals while I'm also interviewing for new jobs, Doing night the classroom, administering business travel, And attempting to find and establish new social options and friendships for the both of us in our new location. it was rough.

My partner's been more open than ever in the past almost a year about his anxiety, How it's an issue for him, And how concerns over what other human beings (and this includes me) Think of him affects his life. I'm trying my best to be encouraging, But am also really pressing him to seek out qualified who can help him out with this. That effort is in progress (Though it's been stop and start due to fear on his part that it'll all be a waste of money if it doesn't help him). in mean time, I think he's actually working on the problem use in your (He certainly is apparently trying more things than he used to), But he says the internal impact of his anxiousness is much more acute. that will be, He feels anxious on a daily basis, And it bothers him more than before.

Not having a 9 to 5 job may be a contributor only because he has more unstructured free time to think/decide what he should do with himself, And because the thought of applying and being rejected for a position is "About the scariest thing ex boyfriend] Can picture, (His wording and terminology, Though upon compelling, I gather that's from your realm of things likely to happen in his life that he can control.) For how it's worth though, He has sent out a half dozen resumes until recently 2 months, And not the primary breadwinner isn't a problem for him.

We've always valued being honest and forthright in the same room, And of course, I think we're still doing effectively at it. But the more open he is about his anxiety, The less professional I feel to help him. My schedule and stress level isn't helping things, possibly. I could do better, But it's hard to have someone be dependent on you to drive everything (Even when I'm aware that as mental health factors impacting our relationship go, we will be much, Much more upsetting). bare this in mind, I strive to be supportive of his desire charmdate.com to change things, While keeping in mind that right now he's still in near total paralysis beyond the realization that hey, this may not be how he wants to live his life.

So I guess I'm looking for your advice and experiences that might help us as we think about how to get through this and be good to one another. anxiety sufferers, What did you may well ask, Or wish you had asked from your significant other in a similar situation? support partners/spouses, What strategies did/do you use to be there for your SO and how do you make sure to take care of yourself, quite?

Anonymous because even a slim chance of being identifiable over the internet is an anxiety triggering concept for my partner.

Posted by anonymous to Human interaction (7 information total) 8 users marked this as a popular

you don't be a spouse and a therapist to the same person. I know because cleaning it once a for 8 years. Keep pressing for specialist and believe in it yourself that it will help even if your partner needs to change until they find the right person to help.

shared by gomichild at 12:51 pm hours on July 6, 2011 <> internet explorer favorites]

You sound like you guys are really good at trying to be good to each other remember that also means you have to look out for yourself, as well as your partner.

endeavor to join very clear about your needs, And your needs right now include not having to spend a lot of energy on his anxiety. Explain that his seeing a professional is something you require almost as much as he does. are actually ok with it not helping right away, Or with his needing to find another therapist if web site isn't a good fit. But that he needs to focus on his anxiety with expert right now for Both your sakes.

this is the anxiety talking, Trying desperately sustain itself.

When fear is keeping you failing (by continuing you from trying), The scariest thing you can attempt to do is to get over the fear.

posted by BrashTech at 12:58 evening on July 6, 2011 <> loved]

I agree that explaining that his going to therapy is something he's doing FOR you not TO you is a great. I think it would also be beneficial for him to get some sort of part time job. Having a lot of unstructured time is POISON for people with anxiety/depression. I can't speculate what has got to be good fit for him, Since if he's got social anxiety long-established retail type work might be too stressful, But finding anything to do to be productive even if its only a couple days a week can be a big help. it will likewise give him events to build the rest of his week around.

printed by dadici at 1:10 pm hours on July 6, 2011 <> chosen]

My spouses's anxiety seems to have been caused by gluten. It went away after using the a GF diet. Too weird including. In reading up on food intolerance, I found the Failsafe diet people sometimes report the same thing. The Failsafe diet diminishes food chemicals such as amines and/or salicylates

publicized by egk at 2:28 pm on July 6, 2011 <> most popular]

I have behavior similar to your husband's, Am married and still have faced some similar issues.

immature sticky set of problems. It's totally reasonable that you are worried and aggravated by your husband's stuckness but it's hard to say anything about it without confirming his fears that you are unhappy with him, Thus playing strait into the hands of the anxiety. "support" Statements from you might be viewed with suspicion. He will be well aware that you can sometimes be trying to squelch your true feelings, Which can only undermine his trust in what you say while doing nothing to completely help him feel better.

It's really important not to confuse his problems (That anxiety is carrying him back, Making his life less massive, making them feel bad) regarding your problems (you are going to fee worried, annoyed, weighed down, for example.). Try to own your private feelings, simply tell him honestly about those feelings, And make your own decisions about what's best for your family in the light of those feelings. When he wishes talk, Listen carefully and thoughtfully, And think back what you've heard, thought of and empathized with. Do this without adding a lot of reactive discourse. do not allow the line between his feelings and yours get muddied.

As notable above, You cannot be his wife and his therapist at the same time, And you aren't qualified to be his therapist. Some therapy is very oftimes be useful to him somewhere along the line, But in conversation with make him go. Try to strengthen his positive choices, brand new wii console feed the anxiety by attacking it directly.

printed by jon1270 at 4:40 pm hours on July 6, 2011

Go with him to his first couple of sessions. Not throughout, And not all the sessions but complete him at first. Don't cause him to be do it alone.

No one ever did that for me a young boy, But 20 some time later, my hubby did. It felt as promised!

When I left work, He greeted me with a big smile. It felt so good to have someone undertake me in that manner, immaterial I had ever known before.